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HELD FOR POSTAGE 



Farce Comedy in Two Acts 



By ROBERT HENRY DIEHL 



COPTKIGHT, 1913, BY DlCK & FlTZGERAID 



NEW YORK 

DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 ANN STREET 



Note. — The professional acting rights of this play are 
expressly reserved by the publishers, to whom theatrical 
managers who wish to produce it should apply. Amateur 
representation may be made without such application and * 
without charge. ^5 & £ 

HELD FOR POSTAGE 



CHARACTERS 

Oliver Owen Known as " Uncle Oliver" 

Herbert West The young attorney 

Nate Haskins The selectman 

Bill Wintergreen The constable 

May Holcomb The schoolma'am 

Jerusha Willis ...-The gossip 

Naomi Owen Oliver's wife 

Time. — The present. 

Locality. — A country village. 

Time of Playing. — One and one-quarter hours. 



SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — Oliver Owen's sitting room on a June afternoon. 
News and callers. "What in creation do you want 
an automobeel f'r?" The village gossip. "Hev 
you heard th' latest?" The selectman and the 
constable discuss the speed law. May Holcomb, 
the orphan. Examination papers and a letter. 
Herbert's discovery. "My God, she has accepted 
him! I thought she cared for we." The misunder- 
standing. "Good-bye!" Uncle Oliver between 
love and duty. "She hes asked me t' post this 
letter— an' / will!" 

Act II. — Same as Act L Next evening. Callers. Uncle 



TMP92-009101 



©CLD 32271 



Held for Postage 3 

Oliver and Herbert. "Y're a dum fool!" Ex- 
planations and a tangle. "What did you do with 
that letter?" "W'y, I posted it!" May and the 
letter. "Held for postage." Uncle Oliver's con- 
fession. Explanations and a betrothal. The gossip 
calls, the constable follows, and Nate "drops in!" 



COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS 

Oliver Owen. — Age about 60. Moderate in speech and 
action. Gray wig; smooth face; neat black trousers 
and vest (no coat), soft shirt with turn-down 
collar, old-fashioned black bow-tie; boots in 
Act I, slippers in Act II. Wears spectacles when 
reading. 

Herbert West. — A manly fellow, about 25 years of age. 
Light complexion, light moustache; neat business 
suit, straw hat. 

Nate Haskins. — Age about 45. Shabby genteel; iron- 
gray wig and side-whiskers. In Act I he wears a 
tight-fitting, faded, pepper and salt suit, old- 
fashioned collar and bow-tie, high white hat, shoes; 
in Act II, long duster, automobile cap, goggles and 
gauntlets. Upon second entrance in Act II he is 
without cap, duster is torn up the back, goggles 
are awry, and right eye is blackened. 

Bill Wintergreen. — Age about 50. Flaxen wig and 
goatee; long, blue coat with brass buttons and 
police badge, blue trousers tucked in boots, ging- 
ham shirt (no vest), red bandanna around neck, 
large, straw hat. 

May Holcomb. — A pretty young woman of 20. A neat 
white dress. Upon entrance in Act II, she has a 
light knitted shawl over shoulders. 

Jerusha Willis. — Age about 45. Eccentric in dress, 
speech and action. Wrapper with large figures, 
white apron, light old-fashioned shawl, bonnet 
with bright colored artificial flowers. 



4 Held for Postage 

Naomi Owen. — Age about 60. A sweet, motherly char- 
acter; neat wrapper, white apron. 



INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES 

Act I. — Newspaper, spectacles, pipe, tobacco pouch and 
matches for Oliver; recipe for Jerusha; books, 
pen, ink, writing paper, examination papers, 
sealed envelope (containing letter), open letter, 
one-cent stamp, handkerchief, for May; book for 
Herbert. 

Act II. — Pipe for Oliver; horse-pistol and handcuffs for 
Bill; sealed envelope (containing letter) with one- 
cent stamp for May; automobile horn and effects, 
crash and explosion; red fire for finale. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS 

As seen by the actor on the stage, facing the audience, 
r. means right of stage; l., left of stage; c, center of stage; 
r. c, right of center; l. c, left of center; c. d., door in rear 
flat; r. d., door at right; l. d., door at left, up, toward rear 
of stage; down, toward the footlights. 



HELD FOR POSTAGE 



ACT I 

SCENE. — Plain interior. Door in rear flat, c. Doors r. 
and l. Old-fashioned bureau with spread, in l. u. 
corner, old-fashioned striking clock l. Clock hands 
indicate 4.30. Vase of flowers, pen, ink bottle, writing 
paper, pipe and tobacco-pouch on bureau. Window 
with sash-curtains, in rear flat r. c. Small covered 
stand with a few house plants, at window. Table with 
spread, l. c; bible, books and shade lamp on table. 
Plain chairs r. and l. of table, plain chair up r., 
rocking chair down r. c. Motto "God Bless Our 
Home," over door in flat. Old-fashioned rugs before all 
doors and in front of bureau. Lights all on. Oliver 
Owen DISCOVERED seated in rocking chair, reading 
newspaper. Lively music. 

Oliver (looks up). Wal', of all th' news out, this is th' 
limit! (Reads) "Nathan Haskins, chairman of our es- 
teemed Board of Selectmen, hes purchased an automobeel 
of a Mr. White of Westfield." (Laughs) I swanny! Thet 
is rich. (Knock heard at c. d.) Come in! 

ENTER Nate Haskins, c. d. 

Nate (hat in hand). A'ternoon, Oliver. 

Oliver (rises). W'y hello, Nate, hev a cheer. 

Nate. No, thank y\ Can't stop long. I was a-goin' 
by an' tho't I'd jest drop in. 

Oliver. Glad y' did. I reckon though, y' ain't in sech 
a hurry but what y' c'n set down a minit 'r two. 

Nate (COMES down). Wal', p'r'aps I c'n. 



6 Held for Postage 

Oliver. Take this rocker. 

Nate. No, thank y' ; this cheer'll do. (Sits r. of table) 
I see y've got th' paper. Any news? 

Oliver (sits). News! I sh'd say so. What's this I 
hear 'bout y'r buyin' an automobeel? 

Nate (proudly). Th' truth, I reckon! 

Oliver (smiles). What in creation do you want an 
automobeel f'r? 

Nate. Wal', it's 'bout es cheap es a hoss an' kerrige in 
th' long run; then, too, es chairman of th' selectmen, it 
behooves me t' be up t' date. (Confidentially) 'Tween you 
an' me an' th' fence post, I hed a chance t' get th' thing 
second-hand, so I embraced th' opportunity. It's a dandy 
— almost new. I've got my license t' run it, th' machine 
come this mornin', an' I expect t' try it out t'morrer. 
Say, won't I make th' natives set up an' take notice? 

Oliver. Reckon y' will, Nate — th' constable t' boot. 

Nate (with contempt). Oh, dum him! 

Oliver. Wal', I hope y' don't break y'r neck 'r kill 
anybody. 

Nate. Don't y' worry, Oliver. This machine is g'aran- 
teed t' stand without hitchin', ain't af eared of th' cars, an' 
a child c'n drive it — 'though, of course, I ain't a child. 

Oliver (aside). Reckon he must be gettin' 'long 
toward his second childhood. (Aloud) How 'bout its 
balkin' 'r kickin'? Is it g'aranteed ag'in' thet? 

Nate. Oh, get out! Y' jest wait 'til y' see thet machine 
work. (Leans toward Oliver, confidentially) Of course, 
this won't go no further? 

Oliver. What — th' automobeel? 

Nate. No! — dum y'r jokin' — this second-hand busi- 
ness. 

Oliver. Reckon y' c'n trust me, Nate. 

Nate. I know I c'n, Oliver. Tell y' what I'll do. I'll 
jest take y' out in th' machine f'r a spell t'morrer. Jest 
set th' time. 

Oliver (sobers). Wal', th' truth on't is, Nate, I sh'll be 
comf'rt'bly busy f'r a day 'r two, an' 

Nate (interrupts) . Wal', I'll be ready any time you be. 

Oliver (dryly). Thank y'! 



Held for Postage 7 

ENTER Naomi Owen, l. d. 

Naomi (sees Nate). W'y, Nathan Haskins! Good 
afternoon! (GOES c.) 

Nate {rises). A'ternoon, Mis' Owen! 

Naomi. We have n't seen you lately. 

Nate. No, I ain't been 'round much, thet's a fact. 
I've been consider'bly busy with town affairs an' one 
thing an' another; but this a'ternoon I was a-goin' by an' 
tho't I'd jest drop in. 

Naomi. And we are very glad to see you. 

Oliver. I reckon y'll be s'prised t' hear what Nate's 
been up t', mother. 

Naomi (to Nate). W'y, you ain't a-goin' to be married? 

Nate. Oh, no, Mis' OWen — thet is, not at present any- 
way. Oliver was alludin' t' th' automobeel. 

Naomi. Automobeel! W'y, Nathan Haskins, you 
ain't a-thinkin' of buyin' one of them hossless kerriges? 

Oliver. He's done thinkin' 'bout it, mother. He's 
bought one already! 

Nate (proudly). Reckon I'll make th' natives set up 
an' take notice — I mean 

Oliver (interrupts). Jest t' other way 'round, Nate. 
Yes, I reckon y' will (Aside) an' side step some, too. 

Naomi. But Nathan, you'll be real careful? There are 
a great many accidents these days. 

Nate. Oh, don't y' worry, Mis' Owen. I'll be careful 
all right. P'r'aps you'd like t' take a ride with me an' 
Oliver one of these days? 

Naomi. Oh! I wouldn't dare 

Oliver (interrupts). An' es I said before, I sh'll be 

pretty busy (Knock heard at c. d.) Hello! Wonder 

who thet is? Come in! (Naomi GOES up and opens 
door. Oliver rises.) 

ENTER Jerusha Willis, c. d. 

Naomi. W'y, it's Jerushy! 

Jerusha (excitedly, not seeing Nate). How d' do, 
Naomy; a'ternoon, Uncle Oliver! Hev you heard th' 



3 Held for Postage 

latest? Of all th' crazy idees, this is th' wust. Nathan 
Haskins 

Nate (rises quietly, interrupts). A'ternoon, Miss 
Willis! 

Jerusha (embarrassed). W'y, Nathan Haskins — be 
you here? I — I tho't (Recovers) you was out automo- 
oilin'. 

Nate. Th' machine ain't ready yet. (With sarcasm) 
When it is I'll let y' know so y' can spread th' news 'round 
th' village. Reckon I won't hev time. 

Jerusha (indignantly). News is it? I'll show you — 
(Rushes at Nate who retreats down l. Oliver and 
Naomi intercept her) 

Oliver. Now y' mustn't. Nate was jest achaffin' y'. 

Naomi. Yes, Jerushy. He didn't mean any harm. 

Jerusha (calms). P'r'aps not! I consider whom it 
come from, anyway. (Changes) Naomy, I come over t' 
see if I could borry y're sponge cake receipe. 

Naomi (CROSSES to r.). W'y, certainly you can, 
Jerushy. Just step into the kitchen and I'll get it for you. 
(To Oliver and Nate) You will excuse us? (Oliver 
nods) 

Nate (with elaborate bow). Certainly! 

[EXIT Naomi, r. d. 

Jerusha (at r. d.). An' before I leave, jest let me say 
f'r y'r special benefit, Mr. Nathan Haskins, if I do tell 
some news onc't in a while, I don't get second-handed 
stuff, same as some folks do! (EXIT quickly, r. d. Nate 
winces and makes wry face) 

Oliver (laughs). I reckon she hed y' thet time, Nate. 

Nate. She al'ays was too dum sarcastic. Where in 
creation d' y' s'pose she found out 'bout thet second- 
hand business? 

Oliver. I give it up! (Knock heard at c. d.) Come in! 

ENTER Bill Wintergreen, c. d. 

Bill. A'ternoon, Oliver; howdy, Nate? 
Oliver. Hello, Bill. 
Nate. Howdy! 



Held for Postage 9 

Oliver. Hev a cheer. (Bill sits r. of table; Nate sits 
L. ; Oliver stands just at rear of table) 

Nate (to Bill). How's business? 

Bill (meaningly). Nothin' much doin' now, but I 
calc'late ther' will be 'fore long. 

Oliver. Is th^t so? 

Nate. Want t' know! 

Bill (puts hat on table). Yes, it's so, an' I reckon some 
of these automobile fellers '11 know so 'fore long. I'm 
right after 'em, an' don't y' f'rget it! 

Oliver. I swan, Nate, y'll hev t' be sorter careful! 
(To Bill) S'pose y' know Nate's an automobeelist 
now? 

Nate. I seen 'bout him in th' paper. WaP, he knows 
what th' speed law is, an' th' penalty of breakin' it. 

Nate (ruffled). I calc'late, Bill, I can run my machine 
'thout any pertic'lar advice fr'm any pertic'lar person in 
this pertic'lar town. 

Bill. Wal', y'd better go slow. 

Nate (warmly). I'll go 'bout's I dum please, f'r all 'f 
you 'r any other country constable! (Angrily) I'm chair- 
man 'f th' board 'f selectmen 'f this town, an' won't brook 
interference fr'm any man. (Brings fist down on table) 

Oliver (warningly). Boys! Boys! 

Bill (leans toward Nate). An' I'll hev you know thet 
I'm constable 'f this town, elected by th' citizens, an' 
sworn t' do my duty! If any automobilist breaks th' 
speed law I'll nab him, sure's shootin'! (Brings fist down 
on table) As f'r any dum fool 'f a chairman 'f th' board 'f 
selectmen 

Oliver (interrupts). I say, boys, ain't y' really gettin' a 
leetle excited? 

Nate (not heeding; jumps up). If y' attempt t' stop me, 
I'll run over y'! (Shakes fist under Bill's nose) 

Bill, (shakes fist under Nate's nose; they work DOWN 
stage). An' if y' do, I'll plug y'r tires 'til they'll look like 
por'us plasters, an' run y' in! Dum y'! (They are about 
to come to blows) 

Oliver (COMES quickly between them). Pshaw, boys! 
Now y' mustn't; I won't hev it! (To Nate) I reckon Bill 



10 Held for Postage 

was only jokin', (To Bill) an 'Nate, too. (To both) 
Weren't y' now? (Laughs; they cool) Y're both officers 
of th' town, but y' mustn't f rget thet y're peaceable 
citizens as well! 

Nate. Reckon y're right, Oliver. I guess I did get a 
leetle excited. 

Bill. An' mebbe I was a trifle too pert. 

Oliver. WaP now, thet's th' talk! There ain't no 
harm done. Jest shake han's an' call it a joke. (Nate 
and Bill smile sheepishly and shake hands) In th' future, 
however, p'r'aps both of y' hed better go slow! Now 
seein' y've got consid'able het up over y'r argument, 
p'r'aps a glass of cider'd cool y' off a bit. (GOES up) 
Jest come down cellar an' I'll give y' some thet'll make y'r 
mouths water. 

Nate. Come along, Bill. 

Bill. I'm willin'. (They follow Oliver up) Ther' 
ain't no hard feelin's? 

Nate. Nary a one. Glad we've all hed sech a soci'ble 
visit. 

Oliver (dryly). Yes we hev hed quite an interestin' 
time. 

Bill. This is th' fust time I've hed a chance t' call on 
Oliver f'r quite a spell. I've been so all fired busy 

Nate (interrupts). Same here; but this a'ternoon I 
was a-goin' by an' tho't I'd jest drop in. 

[All EXEUNT, c. d. Pause. 

ENTER Jerusha and Naomi, r. d. 

Jerusha (scanning recipe). I'm awfully obliged, 
Naomy. I'll try to do as much f'r you some day. (Folds 
recipe and carries it in her hand) 

Naomi. Now, don't mention it, Jerushy. 

Jerusha. Land sakes! Ain't it funny 'bout Nate 
a-gettin' an automobeel? He'd better get a decent suit 
o' clothes. 'Tween you an' me, Naomy, tho' y' needn't 
say it come fr'm me, I'll wager he's a-fixin' t' get married! 

Naomi (mild surprise). W'y Jerushy! 



Held for Postage 11 

Jerusha. Wal', y' wait an' see if I ain't right. He 
kinder courted me f'r a spell, but — lawsee! I wouldn't 
no more think of hevin' a man like Nate Haskins than— 
(ENTER May Holcomb, c. d. She carries books and 
papers) W'y, how d' do, May, jest got out fr'm school? 

May. Good afternoon, Miss Willis, and auntie! Yes; 
school closed early today, and — 

Jerusha (interrupts). Y've been up t' th' cemet'ry t' 
visit y'r poor mama's grave, ain't y'? I kinder tho't y'd 
been a-cryin'. (May places handkerchief to her eyes) 

Naomi (warningly). Jerushy. 

Jerusha. Ther'! Ther'! I didn't mean t' hurt y'r 
feelin's. 

May. I know you mean well, Miss Willis. Thank you! 
(GOES down and puts books and papers on table) 

Jerusha (changes). S'pose y've both heard th' latest? 
(GOES c. ; Naomi is at l. of her, May at r. of table) Her- 
bert West hes passed his bar examinations an' come home 
a reg'lar limb o' th' law. 

May. Yes; I am so (Catches herself) — informed! 

Naomi. We're all proud of Herbert. 

Jerusha. Yes! Yes! I know. A mighty smart young 
man he is — an' rich too. His uncle, Hiram West, who 
died las' month, left him all his fortune. They do say 
Herbert is a-makin' eyes at Phcebe Ruthford — tho' y' 
needn't say it come fr'm me — an' I reckon she'll do her best 
t' ketch him! (May starts slightly and clutches chair n. of 
table) May, he an' you used t' be good friends. 

May. We are now, I trust. 

Naomi. Yes; Herbert seems almost like — 

Jerusha (interrupts). One o' th' fam'ly! I dare say! 
I tho't p'r'aps he might be some day, but wal', I must be 
gettin' on. Good-bye, May; a'ternoon, Naomy! 

[EXIT c. d. 

May and Naomi. Good-bye. (Naomi at c. d.; May at 
rear of table) 

Naomi (COMES down). My! What an afternoon for 
callers. Nate Haskins came first. Then Jerushy ran over 
to borrow my sponge cake recipe, and, with the two of 
'em, we had quite a visit. 



12 Held for Postage 

ENTER Oliver, c. d. 

Oliver. I've jest escaped fr'm Jerushy. How thet 
woman c'n talk. Bill Wintergreen called too — but y' 
didn't see him, mother. 

Naomi. William called? 

Oliver. Yes. I swan, if he an' Nate didn't get t' 
argufyin' over th' automobeel speed law. I reckoned at 
one time they'd come t' blows! 

Naomi. Mercy! What can Nate be a-thinkin' of? 

May (smiles). I met him this afternoon. He said he 
was bound to be popular and up-to-date. He invited me 
to take a "spin" in the auto tomorrow. 

Oliver (laughs). An' of course y' accepted th' invitation? 

May. Why, Uncle Oliver. You know I am rather 
timid, and — I felt somewhat guilty — I informed him that 
I was quite busy with my school work — and — and I told 
him the truth. 

Oliver. Of course y' did! So did Naomy an' I. (All 
laugh) 

Naomi. Now, pa! (Changes) But I must get about 
bakin' my biscuits for supper. (CROSSES to r.) 

May. And I will help you. 

Naomi. No dearie; you've worked hard enough in 
school today. You just set down and rest. 

May. But surely I ought to help. You both have been 
so kind to me since poor mama — (Breaks down; sinks into 
chair r. of table and buries face in handkerchief) 

Naomi (GOES to her). Ther'! Ther'! It's all right, 
dearie! 

May. How can I ever repay you and Uncle Oliver for 
your kindness? 

Oliver. Leetle gal, we're only too glad t' do what we 
c'n f'r y' — es God gives us th' right. 

Naomi. Yes! yes! (To May) You mustn't worry 
about anythin'. 

May. God bless you both! (Naomi caresses her and 
GOES r. Oliver is up l.) 

Naomi (brightly). Well! I must see about them bis- 
cuits. 



Held for Postage 13 

Oliver. An' I guess I'll go out on th' porch an' hev a 
smoke, so's not t' disturb th' leetle gal in her examination 
work. (Takes pipe and tobacco pouch from bureau and fills 
pipe) If y' need me, Naomy, jest speak. 

Naomi. Yes, father! 

[EXIT r. d. 

May. You will not disturb me, Uncle Oliver. I have 
only a few papers to correct this afternoon. 

Oliver. Thank y', leetle gal, but I'm afeared if I stay 

here I'll get t' talkin' 'bout Nate's automobeel an' other 

public improv'ments; so I reckon I'd better go out on th' 

porch an' smoke an' think it all over. 

I [EXIT Oliver c. d. lighting pipe. 

May. (smiles). I can't examine these papers just now. 
(Puts them in book and shuts it) I must attend to that 
letter. Why should I hesitate when I have done my 
duty? Poor mother. (Wipes eyes with handkerchief) For 
her needs I would have sacrificed my happiness, but now 
I'll linger no longer. That letter shall be sent at once. 
(GOES to bureau, gets envelopes and paper, pen, ink bottle, 
etc. Sits l. of table and writes, speaking, as she addresses an 
envelope) "Hermon Hilton, Esq., Town." What a kind 
old gentleman he is. I wonder what Herbert would think 
should he ever learn the truth. He shall not know — yet. 
There. The deed is done. Now for a stamp. (GOES to 
bureau, opens drawer as if in search of stamps) None here. 
(Looks among papers on bureau. As she does so, an envelope 
falls to the floor unnoticed by her) I must have left them in 
my room. [EXIT l. d. 

Oliver (pause, off stage). W'y, hello, Herbert! Glad 
t' see y' ! Glad t' see y' ! Y're lookin' well. 

Herbert (off stage). Thank you, Mr. Owen. How 
are all the folks? 

Oliver (off stage). Well, considerin'. Jest step in. 
Y'll find May an' Naomy, an' they'll be powerful glad t' 
see y'. I'll be 'long in a minit 'r so. 

Herbert (at c. d.). Thank you. 

ENTER Herbert West, c. d. He carries a small book 
Herbert (removes hat, looks about). No one about? 



14 Held for Postage 

Well, I'll wait. (GOES to table and lays hat and book down; 
sees school books) Poor little schoolma'am. Alone in the 
world, and without friends except Uncle Oliver and Aunt 
Naomi and — me. Yes. Thank Heaven success seems 
mine, at last, and I can ask her that all important ques- 
tion. Once my little wife, she shall bid farewell to this 
task of school teaching. (GOES up, sees envelope on floor 
near bureau, and picks it up) Aha! Something she has 
forgotten! (Opens envelope, GOES c. As he reads, the ex- 
pression on his face changes from, a smile to surprise, in- 
credulity, despair) What's this? (Reads aloud) "Hermon 
Hilton, Esq. 
Dear Mr. Hilton- 
After long and prayerful consideration of your gen- 
erous offer, I have decided that if you care to accept a 
woman who will do all in her power to make your home a 
happy one, but who possibly never can love you, I will be 
your wife. Sincerely yours, 

May Holcomb." 
Squire Hilton, the miser! (Crushes paper and lets it fall to 
floor; GOES to table, sees envelope, picks it up and reads 
address) My God! She has accepted him! I thought she 
cared for me! (Drops envelope on table; sits r. of table, 
hand to head) I see it all now. It's the same old story — 
money! Money! And she, the woman I esteemed above 
the lure of gold, will sell herself — No! (Rises) Heaven 
forgive me for that thought ! It was for her mother's sake 
that she did this — but the mother is dead — and May 
should have known. God help me! (More calmly) She 
must never know that I have discovered this. I will go 
before she finds me here, and try as a man to overcome this 
awful blow. (Pauses as if in doubt what to do, then takes 
hat and GOES up stage. Meets May who ENTERS l. d.) 

May. Herbert, I am glad to see you back. (Extends 
right hand. He takes it for a second, then drops it) 

Herbert. I am glad to be back home again, that is — 
I was 

May. Will you not be seated? I will call Uncle Oliver 
and Aunt Naomi. 

Herbert. No, thank you! Please do not disturb 



Held for Postage 15 

Mrs. Owen. Uncle Oliver is on the porch. He bade me 
come in. I came up this afternoon to — return your book. 
{Indicates book on table) 

May. I trust you enjoyed reading it. 

Herbert. Very much, thank you. I must go now. 

May. You are very busy. I fear you are working too 
steadily. You are pale. 

Herbert (bitterly) I have been working hard for — 
nothing. A great sorrow has come to me 

May {interrupts). Even as to me. (GOES to him at c.) 
Herbert, you have my heart-felt sympathy. I know what 
sorrow is, and I can pity you! 

Herbert (aside). My God! Can she be so false? 
(Aloud) May — I — I thank you! I can but offer you my 
sincere sympathy in your bereavement, and — and say 
good-bye. (GOES up) 

May. You will call again — when you are more at leis- 
ure? We all shall be glad to see you. 

Herbert (striving to be calm). Thank you! Don't 
mind about me. I hope you may be happy. Good-bye. 

[EXIT hurriedly, c. d. 

May. Good-bye. Why, how strange he acts! (GOES 
to front of table, stands perplexed) He has met with some 
great sorrow. Yes — his uncle is dead. (Thinks) I begin 
to understand. What Jerusha hinted at is true. No! — 
Yes! Oh, it is true! Herbert has been made his uncle's 
sole heir on condition that he marries Phcebe Ruthford, 
and, to secure the fortune, he will make her his wife! 
(Passionately) And I thought he cared for me! Oh! Her- 
bert, what sacrifices you and I have been asked to make. 
(Sinks into chair l. of table and sobs) 

ENTER Oliver, c. d. 

Oliver. Wal', th' squire left ruther sudden didn't he? 
(GOES to bureau and puts away pipe) 

May (struggling for self-control) . He — he is very busy — 
and — 

Oliver (r. c). Leetle gal, what ails y'? Y're es pale 
es death. 

May (rises; GOES l. c). It is nothing, uncle — a slight 



16 Held for Postage 

headache. I will go to my room. (Takes up envelope, 
stamps it with one-cent stamp and CROSSES to Oliver) 
Will you kindly mail this letter when you go down to the 
post office tonight — surely? 

Oliver (takes letter). W'y, cert'nly. (Puts letter into 
vest pocket) 

May. Thank you. I will go now, if you will excuse me. 

Oliver. Course I will! Y' jest let y'r lessons go f'r a 
spell an' rest y'self. 

May (GOES up; striving to control herself). Yes, 
uncle [EXIT l. d. 

Oliver (looks after her). Wal', what does this mean? 
(At r. of table) Th' young squire rushes off — th' leetle gal's 
in tears — I vum. They must hev quarreled. (Sees paper 
on floor) Hello ! What's this? (Spreads it out and reads to 
himself) Lord Almighty! They hev quarreled, an' she hes 
accepted th' old squire t' spite Herbert. (Crushes paper 
in left hand; takes letter from vest pocket with right hand; 
compares the two) This must be th' letter of acceptance — 
th' other, a copy. She's goin' t' marry thet old shrimp of 
a miser is she? Not if her Uncle Oliver c'n prevent it. 
Now, what'll I do? I can't speak t' her 'bout this — jest 
yet. (Stands perplexed, scratching head with left hand; 
holds envelope in right hand so that audience can see the one 
cent stamp; turns it up and scans address — struck by thought 
— smiles and nods head) She hes asked me t' post this 
letter — (Determinedly) — an' / will! 

CURTAIN 
ACT II. 



SCENE. — Same as Act I. Next evening. Stage lights low. 
Rear border lights out. Lamp turned low on table. 
Clock indicates the hour of 8, and strikes, as curtain 
rises. No music. Oliver DISCOVERED at c. d. 
smoking and looking off. 

Oliver (knocks ashes out of pipe, glances at clock). I 
swanny, it's 'bout time thet young feller was here — if he's 



Held for Postage 17 

comin\ (GOES to bureau, lays pipe down; GOES slowly 
to table and turns up light. Stage lights up) I don't know 
but what I've got myself mixed up in a pretty delicate 
matter — but, Good Lord! I jest can't bear t' see them 
two young people parted through a miser'ble misunder- 
standin' — an' th' leetle gal a-sacrincin' herself t' th' old 
squire. No, siree! So I must do my duty jest th' best I 
know how. But if Herbert shouldn't come — (Knock 
heard at c. d.) Thet must be him! Come in! (GOES up. 
ENTER Herbert, c. d.) Good evenin', Herbert! (They 
shake hands and COME down) 

Herbert. Good evening, Mr. Owen. 

Oliver. I'd begun t' think y' wa'nt comin'. Hev a 
cheer. (Indicates chair l. of table) Let me take y'r hat. 
(Takes Herbert's hat and places it on table) 

Herbert. Thank you! I am a trifle late — an impor- 
tant engagement detained me. I received your note this 
afternoon. (Sits l. of table) 

Oliver (at chair r. of table). I see. (Thinks. Aside) 
Now how in time '11 1 begin? (Sits, clears throat. Aloud) 
Wal', I hev a leetle matter t' talk over with y'. I was up 
t' y'r office this a'ternoon, but y' were out. I tho't p'r'aps 
it wouldn't be askin' too much t' hev y' step down here 
f'r a few minits tonight, so I left th' note. 

Herbert. It has caused me little inconvenience, I 
assure you. The matter you refer to is of a private 
nature, I perceive. 

Oliver. Er — yes! Quite personal. (Pauses) 

Herbert (aside). I wish he'd proceed. 

Oliver (aside). Now how in time '11 1 begin? (Pauses) 

Herbert. I am at your service, Mr. Owen! (Sound of 
automobile horn and effect of automobile approaching and 
stopping, off stage) 

Oliver. Er— yes. Wal', it's jest like this— (Knock 
heard at c. d.) I reckon thet must be Nate Haskins. 
Come in! (Rises) 

ENTER Nate, c. d. 

Nate. Evenin', Oliver; howdy, squire? (Removes cap) 
Oliver. Hello, Nate. 



18 Held for Postage 

Herbert. Good evening, Mr. Haskins. 

Nate. I was a-goin' by an' tho't I'd jest drop in. 

Oliver. Glad y' did. Hev a cheer. 

Nate. No, thank y' ; can't stop. I'm a-tryin' out th' 
automobeel t'night. PVaps y'd like t' take a ride? 

Oliver. I'm much obliged, Nate; but th' truth on't is 
I've got a leetle business t' transact this evenin'. (Aside) 
An' it's a dum sight worse 'n automobeelin', too! 

Nate. I see. Wal' possibly th' squire, here, might like 
t' try th' machine? (Turns to Herbert) 

Herbert. I thank you, Mr. Haskins, but the business 
to which Mr. Owen refers concerns us both, so, under the 
circumstances — 

Nate (interrupts). Thet's all right, squire! (To 
Oliver) How 'bout Miss May 'r Miss Owen? 

Oliver. Wal', May's invited, out f'r th' evenin', an' 
Naomy's entertainin' some of th' church ladies in th' 
parlor. I'm sorry, Nate, but we all are powerful occupied. 

Nate (aside). What a dum busy place this town is all 
of a sudden. (Aloud) Wal', thet's all right, too. I'll take 
y' all out — when y're more at liberty. 

Herbert. I appreciate your kindness, Mr. Haskins. 

Oliver. Yes; it's real kind of y', Nate. 

Nate. Don't mention it! Wal', guess I'll be putterin' 
'long. (Knock heard c. d.) I reckon y've got more comp'ny, 
Oliver. (Opens door) 

ENTER Bill, c. d. Butt of horse-pistol and handcuffs pro- 
trude from his rear pocket. 

Bill. Evenin' ever'body! (Herbert nods) 

Nate. W'y hello, Bill! 

Oliver (aside). I swan! Ther'll be more trouble now. 
(Aloud) Fine evenin', Bill! 

Bill. Yes! 

Nate. Wal', I hate t' tear myself away, but my auto- 
mobeel's a-waitin'. I say, Bill, don't y' want t' go out 
f'r a spell? Folks here are all busy. 

Bill (at l. c, with contempt). Out f'r a spill y' mean! 
No, thank y' ; I'm busy too. 



Held for Postage 19 

Nate (at R. a). Wal' now, y' needn't be so all fired 
tempesterous 'bout it! I s'pose y' follered me here t' give 
some more advice! 

Bill (advances). Thet's jest what I come in here f'r, an' 
in th' presence of these witnesses (Indicates Oliver 'and 
Herbert) I repeat what I said yesterd'y— go slow. 

Nate -(advances) An', es / said yesterd'y, I'll go 'bout's 
I dum feel like it; an' you n'r any other country constable 
don't want t' interfere — 

Oliver (who has gradually GONE up, comes between 
them) : Come, come, boys; y' musn't argufy. Remember 
y'r failin's. (Herbert rises) 

Nate. Jest as you say, Oliver! 

Bill. I don't mean no harm, Oliver; an' I think th' 
squire, here, '11 understand. I'm only explainin' th' law. 
(To Nate) An' I repeat f'r y'r special benefit, Mr. Has- 
kins— go slow! If y' don't observe th' law, I'll run y' in. 
Night all. [EXIT quickly, c. d. 

Nate (GOES quickly to c. d.). We'll see 

Oliver (interrupts). I wouldn't get reckless, Nate. 

Nate. No siree, I won't — but I'll show him a thing 'r 
two. I beg th' pardon of both you an' th' squire, if I've 
been hasty. I didn't mean t' stop long, anyhow. I was 
a-goin' by an' tho't I'd jest drop in. [EXIT, c. d. 

Oliver (looks off; automobile effect dies away. Shuts 
door and COMES down smiling. Herbert sits) Wal', I 
reckoned we'd hev quite a storm — but it passed over with 
a leetle thunder an' lightnin'. (Sits) I say, squire, y'll hev 
a case b'tween 'em one of these days, if they keep at it. 

Herbert. I trust not. 

Oliver. _ Squire, I vum it seems strange t' call y' thet. 
Seems like jest a few days ago y' were runnin' 'round th' 
village, a leetle, bare-footed, freckled-faced shaver, knee- 
high t' a grasshopper; an' now y're a reg'lar lim' o' th' 
law, with a bright an' prosp'r'us future before y'. My boy, 
y' must be a happy mortal! 

Herbert (disconsolately). Happy mortal! I'm a miser- 
able man. 

Oliver (dryly). Y're a dum fool. 

Herbert (surprised). Sir! 



20 Held for Postage 

Oliver (smiles). Yes! Ain't y' now? 

Herbert (rises). Mr. Owen, you will pardon me if I 
say that I am in no mood for joking this evening. Neither 
did I come here to be insulted. 

Oliver (rises). Pshaw now! Y' mustn't get techy. I 
didn't mean anythin' wrong — I jest natur'lly let my 
tho'ts come out quick like — but, really, ain't y' actin' a 
leetle bit foolish? 

Herbert. Pardon me, Mr: Owen, possibly I was too 
hasty. I — I — Let's take up the business you spoke of 
(Sits) 

Oliver. Thet's jest what I'm alludin' to. 

Herbert (perplexed). I fail to see — 

Oliver (interrupts). Herbert, I trust y'll excuse me f'r 
interferin' in y'r affairs, but what I'm a-goin' t' say con- 
cerns both you an' May. 

Herbert (aside). He knows! (Aloud) To what do you 
refer? 

Oliver. Wal', t' be plain, I'm alludin' t' May an' you 
an' th' quarrel. 

Herbert (surprised). Quarrel? We have had no 
quarrel ! 

Oliver. Wal', misunderstandin' then. 

Herbert. Neither have we had a misunderstanding. 
Mr. Owen, please explain. 

Oliver. I will! (Sits; leans toward Herbert) Naomy 
an' I hev known May since she were jest a leetle gal, an' 
we've watched her bloom int' womanhood. Since jest 
before her mother died, a few weeks ago, she hes made her 
home with us. She's no kin t' us, but we've come t' love 
her es our own child. This is her home now, an' we are 
her protectors — es God gives us th' right. Now it's no 
use f'r y' t' deny it, you an' th' leetle gal hed some trouble 
yester'dy. Y' went away white an' tremblin', an' she — 
Wal', excuse me, boy, but I must ask y' what it meant! 

Herbert. Mr. Owen — Uncle Oliver — I appreciate your 
kindness for Miss Holcomb. I will explain my hasty 
leave-taking yesterday. When I came back home, after 
many months of hard work and study, my first thought 
was for the girl I had known and loved since we were 



Held for Postage 21 

schoolmates. Yesterday I came to ask her hand in mar- 
riage. 

Oliver. She didn't refuse y'? 

Herbert. She has accepted another — Squire Hilton! 

Oliver. Lord Almighty! How do you know? Did 
she say so? 

Herbert. No! But the letter — 

Oliver (interrupts). What letter? 

Herbert. Listen. When I came into this room yester- 
day, I found no one about. (ENTER May, unobserved, 
c. d. Listens) While waiting, I discovered a piece of paper 
lying on the floor. Supposing it to be a school paper 
Miss Holcomb had dropped, I picked it up and glanced 
at it — why, I know not. Imagine my surprise when I 
found it to be a letter to Mr. Hermon Hilton, accepting 
an offer of marriage from him and signed — "May Hol- 
comb!" On this table lay a sealed envelope, addressed to 
him. At first, I hardly could believe the truth. Then — 
well, I got away as quickly as possible. 

Oliver. Y' must be crazy! / found thet letter on th' 
floor, after y' left. I tho't you two hed quarreled, an' she 
hed accepted th' old squire t' spite y'. Thet envelope she 
give me, later — 

Herbert (quickly). What did you do with that letter? 

Oliver. W'y, I posted it! I'll tell y' somethin' more — 

Herbert (rises, interrupts). Do not trouble yourself 
further, Mr. Owen. (Sadly) She has accepted the squire — 
and that ends the matter. 

Oliver (aside). Yes, it must be true. Who'd atho't it 
of th' leetle gal? (Aloud) An' I hev made all this fuss an' 
flurry — f'r nothin'. 

Herbert. Do not blame yourself, Mr. Owen. I sin- 
cerely appreciate your kindness and good intentions. 
This matter shall be strictly confidential — and now, good- 
night. (Extends right hand. Oliver rises and grasps it for 
a second, then drops it, and stands at r. c. in deep perplexity. 
Herbert takes hat from table and GOES up. Meets May 
who goes about c.) 

May. One moment. 

Herbert (at l. a). May — Miss Holcomb! 



22 Held for Postage 

Oliver (turns toward her). Leetle gal. You here? 

May. Yes. I came in time to hear your conversation 
concerning my letter. Forgive me for listening. Oh, 
Uncle Oliver— Herbert, it has been the cause of a terrible 
mistake ! 

Oliver and Herbert. Mistake? 

May. Yes. I will explain. Two months ago, when 
mother was seized with her last illness, and she and I came 
to make our home here, Squire Hilton one day made me 
an offer of marriage. I rejected it, explaining that I could 
not marry a man I did not love. Then, he spoke of 
mother's illness — of her chances of recovery if she could be 
taken to a different clime — of how I, as his wife, with 
money at my command, could provide for her and prolong 
her life. He urged me to reconsider the matter, and re- 
fused to accept my answer as a final one. I did consider, 
long and earnestly and prayerfully, and at last — for 
mother's sake — I accepted his offer, and one night wrote 
him a letter to that effect. The same night, before I had 
an opportunity to address the envelope and mail the letter, 
mother suddenly was stricken and died. In the days of 
sorrow that followed, I quite forgot the squire's letter, 
hidden away among some of my papers. A few days ago 
I remembered, but a search for the letter proved fruitless, 
and I even questioned in my mind whether I really had 
written it, or only imagined or dreamed that I had done 
so. Then, I wrote the second letter, and last night it was 
mailed. From your conversation I infer that Herbert 
found the first letter after it had dropped from among 
my papers, where I had mislaid it. 

Herbert. I did find it, and was desperate. That is 
why I acted so like a fool yesterday! 

Oliver. An' then I found it, where Herbert hed 
dropped it — an' I reckon I've made a dum fool of myself! 

May. And I — I — Well, in my agitation, I placed a 
one-cent stamp on the envelope — and Uncle Oliver 
mailed it that way. I found it in the post office window 
tonight marked "Held For Postage." 

Oliver. I confess! I did post it thet way — f'r your 
sakes, young people! 



Held for Postage 23 

May. You did it purposely? 

Herbert. Purposely? 

Oliver. Yes! Es I said before, I believed you two hed 
quarreled, an' May hed accepted th' old squire f'r spite. 
When I saw thet one-cent stamp on th' envelope, a plan 
popped int' my head like a flash. I knew th' old squire 
was out of town this week; th' letter would be held f'r 
postage, an' thet would give me time t' work out a leetle 
scheme of my own. So I posted th' letter, saw Herbert, 
an' hev tried my best t' bring 'bout a reconciliation, as th' 
novelists say — but, now, everything all tangled up. 
{Beseechingly, to May) Oh, leetle gal. Y' can't; y' mustn't 
marry thet old miser! I won't hev it so. 

May. Marry him! Oh, uncle; don't you understand? 
Squire Hilton returned today. I saw him this evening; 
he pressed me for his answer — and I gave it! 

Oliver. Y' give him y'r answer pers'n'lly? 

May. Yes! The same answer this letter contains! 
(Produces letter she has held in right hand, tears open 
envelope, spreads out letter and offers it to Oliver) Read it, 
uncle. 

Oliver (shrinks back and COMES down r.). I'd 
ruther not! 

May (offers it to Herbert). Read it, Herbert! 

Herbert. Never! (GOES down l.) 

May. Then I will! (GOES to r. of table; reads letter 
aloud) 
"Hermon Hilton, Esq., 

Town. 
Dear Mr. Hilton- 
After long and prayerful consideration of your gener- 
ous offer, I have decided that I cannot become your wife. 

Sincerely yours, 
May Holcomb." 
(Lets envelope and letter fall to table) 

Oliver (overcome). What a dum fool I hev made of 
myself. 

Herbert (fervently). Thank God! 

Oliver. F'r two dum fools, eh? I know what y' mean, 
boy, an' I'll say "Amen!" 



24 Held for Postage / 

May. Oh, Uncle Oliver! You thought when you 
posted this letter that you were holding up the other 
answer so that you could bring about a reconciliation — 
you did this for me — Herbert — us? 

Oliver (jubilant). "Us" is c'rect, leetle gal! (Changes; 
to both) Y' mustn't let Naomy know of this. I never could 
stand her chaffin'. 

Herbert. I assure you we will be silent regarding this 
matter. 

May. Yes! Yes! God bless you, Uncle Oliver. 

Oliver. Leetle gal, I hope He'll bless us all! (GOES 
to table and stands rear of same. Takes up envelope and 
letter and holds them over lamp chimney until they blaze) 
An' f'r ever 'body's peace of mind I reckon I'd better 
serve this letter same es I did t' other one. (All smile. 
He crushes the burned paper in his hands, GOES to c. d., 
opens it and scatters ashes outside. Glances back at May 
and Herbert, then looks off) 

Herbert (GOES quickly to May). May, can you ever 
forgive me? 

May. Yes, Herbert! And you will forgive 

Herbert (interrupts). I have nothing to forgive. I 
understand all now. (Closer) May, you heard me tell 
Uncle Oliver why I came here yesterday. I come to you 
now, with the same question I would have asked you 
then. (Passionately) I love you. I always have loved you, 
and now — 

May (interrupts; motions him back). Stop, what about 
Phoebe Ruthford? 

Herbert. So you have heard that rumor too? I can 
imagine from whom it came. (Emphatic tone) But it is 
absolutely false. 

May. I — I do not wish to tell tales out of school, but 
yesterday Miss Willis hinted that you — that you cared 
for Phoebe. That was the reason I acted so foolishly. I 
thought, from your coolness, that you were going to 
marry her; that to comply with the terms of your uncle's 
will, you — (Breaks down) Oh! What am I saying? 

Herbert. I understand, dear. You listened to Jer- 
usha's rambling talk and supposed that my late uncle, 



Held for Postage 25 

who willed me a few dollars, stipulated whom I should 
marry. I would never marry any girl but you. 

May. Oh, Herbert, forgive me. 

Herbert. Little woman, you are the one I love. I 
think we understand each other now. May, will you be 
my wife? 

May (pauses a second). Yes — Herbert. 

Herbert (embraces her). My darling. 

Oliver (turns). Ahem! (They separate)' Guess I'd 
better go out on th' porch an' hev a smoke! 

Herbert. Stay, Uncle Oliver. You are this little 
woman's rightful protector, as you have stated this even- 
ing; you have brought about this reconciliation and as- 
sured our happiness. May has promised to become my 
wife, and I ask your consent to our marriage. 

ENTER Naomi, l. d. Oliver GOES down. 

Naomi. Marriage? W'y, May — Herbert — Oliver! I 
don't understand. 

Oliver. Mother, Herbert hes asked f 'r our leetle gal in 
marriage. She hes accepted him an' I reckon we hed 
better give 'em our blessin'. 

Naomi. Yes, father! (To May and Herbert) Oh, 
I'm so glad. (GOES to them, kisses May and shakes 
Herbert's hand. Oliver GOES to them and joins their 
hands; reverently) An' may th' Lord Almighty bless y' 
both! 

ENTER Jerusha quickly, c. d. 

Jerusha (breathlessly). Excuse my comin' right in, 
but hev you heard th' latest? 

Oliver. What now, Jerushy? 

Jerusha (about c). W'y, Bill Wintergreen's a-settin' 
out on th' porch with a pistol in his hand. He says he's 
a-goin' t' arrest Nate Haskins, when he comes up th' 
road, 'cause he's broke th' automobeel speed law! 

Naomi. Mercy! 

Oliver. Wal', thet is quite a news item, Jerushy, but 
I reckon we've got y' beat this time. (To Naomi) Shall 
I tell her, mother? (Naomi nods) 



26 Held for Postage 

Jertjsha. What's th' news? What makes y' all so 
mysterious like? Can't y' see I'm jest a-dyin' t' know? 

Oliver. Don't die, Jerushy. Y'll want t' live an' come 
t' th' weddin' ! 

Jerusha. Weddin'! Whose weddin'? 

Oliver. Naomy an' I take pleasure in announcin' th' 
engagement of Miss May Holcomb t' Squire West; an' 
congratulations are now in order. 

Jerusha (overcome). What? W'y, I tho't— WaT, f'r th' 
land's sake! (Automobile effect off stage) 

Bill (is heard off stage). Stop! Stop in th' name o' the 
law! (Automobile effect is heard louder) 

Nate (heard in the distance, off stage). I can't stop! 
Whoa! Whoa! Stop me! Somebody stop me! Thedum 
machine 's arunnin' away with me! 

ENTER Bill c. d., stands and points pistol off. 

Bill (to Nate, outside). Stop; 'r I'll fire! 

Oliver (quickly). Hold on, Bill! 

Jerusha. Mercy! Ther'U be murder! (There is a 
violent crash off stage, followed by an explosion. Nate 
comes tumbling in at c. d., collides with Bill and they roll 
down stage. Red-fire, off, until curtain. Women scream, 
etc. The action to curtain must be brisk.) 

Bill (down r. c, jumps up, rushes to Nate down c; 
levels pistol at him and produces handcuffs). Get up 'fore 
I place y' under arrest! 

Oliver (GOES quickly to Nate and helps him rise. To 
Bill waving him back) Hold on, Bill! Let's see if he's 
hurt! (To Nate) I swan, Nate, what's happened? 

Nate (half dazed, brushes hand across forehead). Wal', 
y' see I was agoin' by an ; tho't I'd jest drop in — (Lively 
music) 

Tableau 

Bill down r. c. Oliver, Nate, c. Naomi at r. of table. 
Herbert and May in front of table down l. c. Jer- 
usha at c. d. looking off. 

Quick Curtain 



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Vaudeville Sketch in One Act. Tivo Males 

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widower, who proves to be an old flame of the widowed mother of Simpkins 1 fiancee. 
For reasons which soon become obvious, the major sends her a hint of Simpkins' gay 
life, and suggests her presence in the city to investigate. She decides accordingly, and 
the inopportune arrival of herself and daughter cause complications of the most 
ludicrous and comical variety. 

SHERIFF OF TUCKAHOE, The. 25 cents. A Western sketch 
in 1 act, by George M. Rosener. 3 male, i female character. 1 simple interior 
scene. Time, about 1 hour. An intensely dramatic sketch of the tracing of a band of 
road-agents, one of whom is eventually captured by his half-brother, the sheriff, in the 
house of the mother. The mother's pleadings, unknown to her, induce the sheriff to 
release the suspect, he taking his half-brother's place as the criminal. The circum- 
stantial evidence fails to be convincing, and consequently the sheriff's self sacrifice is 
not needed. All strong parts. Easily staged. Highly recommended. 

BISCUITS AND BILLS. 25 cents. A comedy in i act, by O. B Du 
Bois. 3 male. 1 female character. Modern costumes, i easy interior scene. Time, 
about 1% hours. From start to finish there is not a dull moment in this little comedy ; 
it is brimful of fun, of rapid action and of sparkling dialogue, and when played with 
the " dash " it requires, is sure to be a success. 

FRESH FUN. 25 cents. A humorous monologue for a male character. 
Introducing bright and clever patter that is sure to please an audience. 

FUTURE LADY HOLLAND, The. 25 cents. A comedy for 
girls in 3 acts, by Helen P. Kane, i interior scene. 4 female characters. Time, iJ4 
hours. The dowager Lady Holland has arranged that her niece, Diana, should 
marry Lester, the present Lord Holland, son of the Dowager. To that end she 
directs another niece, Yvonne, to devote herself to Stacy Brent, thus throwing Diana 
and Lester together. How successful her scheme proves is told in the climax. Lady 
Holland is stalely, haughty and insular. Diana, the lead, patterned upon Lady Gay 
Sfianker, is sporty and full of life. The other characters are well defined and good, 
and the dialogue is excellent. 

.TOM'S ARRIVAL. 15 cents. A play for girls in r act. 3 female 
characters. 1 plain interior scene. Time, about 25 minutes. Three maiden ladies, 
learning by wire that Tom is to arrive, make different arrangements for his comfort. 
The surprising arrival of Tom creates consternation in the little household and the 
audience is kept out of the secret until the last moment. 

PLACE AUX DAMES ; or, The Ladies Speak at Last. 15 cents. 

Shakespearian sketch in i act. 4 female characters. 1 plain interior scene. Time, 
about 45 minutes. Four of Shakespeare's heroines, Portia, Juliet, Ophelia and Lady 
Macbeth, find themselves at a watercure, where they discuss their husbands. A clever 
burlesque, long a favorite, and now published for the first time at a popular price. 

BACHELOR'S BABY, A. 15 cents. A farce in 1 act by Katharine 
Kavanaugh. 2 male, 2 female characters, i interior scene. Time, about 3ominutes. 
An exceedingly comical sketch depicting the woes of a struggling artist, on whose 
hands a baby is left while he is at the station awaiting his fiancle. Full of action from 
start to finish. Sure to be a success. 




MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

m. r. 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 4 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2J^ hours 10 4 

PRISONER OF ANDEBSONVILLE. 4 Acts; 2J4 hours.. 10 4 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1)4, hours 9 6 

ISABEL,, THE PEARL OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; %y 2 hours 9 3 

BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2)4 hours 9 3 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 214 hours 8 4 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3Acts;2hours 6 4 

SQUIRE TIIOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 5 2 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1 hour... 6 3 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1J ' hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) 11 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 





31 1913 

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

* SSSSS$SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS$S ^ llllllilllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 

COMEDIES AND DR™^ 16 215 016 9 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. F. 

BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4Acts;2hours 6 3 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2}^ hours 11 6 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acta; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 3 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 9 4 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 2% hours 8 6 

DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 10 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 5 

E ASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 4 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 5 3 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 5 3 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; labours 4 6 

JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 6 3 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 9 6 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2j^ hours 13 4 

NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 4 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours (i 9 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3Acts;2hours 4 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hours 5 3 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts ; 2\& hours 6 4 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2% hours 5 3 

AVHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2^ hours 7 4 

WHITE LIE. 4Acts; 2^hours 4 3 



WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 

G OLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours 11 3 

RED ROSETTE. 3Acts;2hours 6 3 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2\4 hours.... 5 3 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2*4 hours. 9 3 




DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 




